Legend of Zelda: The Legend of the Eternity Jewlel
by HolixDreamer
Summary: The rant of a lil fairy that follows Link around. Slightly in the modern world. Very funny! READ IT AND ENJOY!
1. Wing 1

The Legend of Zelda: The Legend of the Eternity Jewel

**_The Legend of Zelda: The Legend of the Eternity Jewel's Disclaimer:_** I did NOT make some of the charaters of the Legend of Zelda. I only made 2 and the fairy's name.

**Wing one.**

Hey, it's me, the fairy. You know. The damn fairy that follows Link everywhere he goes while looking for his high maintenance bitch, Zelda. Well, she always gets kidnapped, and I'm about sick of it. She needs to get a little bit of protection. A bow and arrows, bombs, pack a forty-five, sniper rifle, something. Personally, I'll get the sniper. Anyway, she gets kidnapped like seasons, and as usual, Link tries to rescue her, and as usual, I follow, follow, FOLLOW, up the hills, in freezing waters, and down hot active volcanoes.

Zelda must be doing something to him because whenever he gets an e-mail saying:

Link, I have Zelda. I'll be in the Forbidden Fortress, and I'll be waiting.

**XOXO,**

**Gannondorf******

He runs to the rescue. Lucky bitch.

Something has been tugging at my wings, though. Why, after every e-mail, Gannondorf always puts "XOXO, Gannondorf"? Is he queer? Does Link like Zelda because he's desperate as hell? Who in their right mind will follow Link down active volcanoes? Who has the answers to all of my damn questions?

Anyway, it all began at Link's house. I was sleeping peacefully on the window seal until Link's annoying ring tone came on. You know his theme song, Apocalyptica. His received message is the Super Mario Brothers' theme song. Many people might like both, but trust me get gets annoying after a while. Anyway, I picked up the phone and looked at the screen. It was King Hyrule, and I knew what he wanted. So, without looking, I threw the phone over my head, hoping to break it.

"Careful with my stuff, Ka'an," said a voice that belonged to Link.

I turned around and saw the cell phone glued to his ear.

_Damn king,_ I thought bitterly. _Get someone else to look for your bitchy daughter. What in the hell do you the FBI is for? Pansy parties?_

"Uh huh… Yeah… Right, I'll be right there," Link hung up the phone and looked at me. Well… it was more like a glare. Still he's hot. "Ka'an," he said gently. Usually, that came before I'LL KILL YOU! But… "Zelda is dieing…"

Inside, I was dancing a victory dance. "W-what happened, Link?" I asked with fake concern.

"I don't know. The king wants me there. So, I'll know then."

"So, they don't want me around?"

"You can come if you want."  
I flew to him and put my comforting hands on his cold nose. "Nah, you go ahead. I'll wait 'til you get back."

Link smiled as he lifts his finger so I can sit on it. "He might want me to do something."

"Then, come back to get me."

Link nodded. "I'll be back in a few."

Now, Link has Zelda on the brain as he dashes out the house, and the little victory dance that was playing in my head came out. "Link wants to go see Zelda," I began to sing. "But guess what… THE BITCH IS DEAD! THE BITCH IS DEAD? THE BITCH… The bitch is dead?" Then it hit me. I stopped dancing and realized that something wasn't right. She never dies! What the bitch?!

I shot out the house in search of Link, repeating his name in my thoughts. I bumped into a few people as I headed towards the castle, and of course, I drowned them with apologizes.

Finally, I get to the castle, and ran into the oh-so-famous invisible wall. I rubbed my head and sent lovely curse words to the head honcho, King Hyrule, but lucky him the wall is sound proof.

I searched for my little opening that I made not too long ago and went pass the wall. I get inside and it really felt like death. Everything was so still. No one was around. No guards to stop me. No annoying short guy with glasses the size off Texas. No one.

"Link!" His name echoed as slowly flew down the halls of Hyrule. "Dammit, Link! Where are you?!"

All of a sudden, a bottle trapped me. Just out of curiosity, well, and rage, I turned around to see who the culprit is. It just so happened to be one of my least favorite people, King Hyrule. "You live to serve the princess, right?" questioned the king.

"Well," I said with anger in my voice. "I live to serve Link and nobody else. Got that, old man?"

The bastard had put a cork on the bottle so I would get out. I saw this happen to my cousins with Link. He used them for their healing powers and always gave them thanks. Well, I do the same thing, but no only I healed him, I revived him every time he would get a Continue? on the screen. Though, it's been a little over a year since he caught me, and I've always wondered why did he keep me around. Maybe it's because I dress totally different than the others.

King Hyrule puts the bottle to his face. "You _will_ heal my daughter, wench."

"What you call me, fat ass?"

I never did get along with royalty. They think they rule every aspect of life, like they own all once you're in there kingdom, but I have to say that King Hyrule was a pretty kind, benevolent kind. I guess that what I thought. I can see his true ugly interior now that his daughter was dead, dieing, or whatever.

"I don't heal people I don't like."

"What?!" A vein looked like it was trying to escape from the heat that was rushing to head. "You dare defy your princess?!" Now, his whole head was red and the glass was starting to fog from his putrid breath.

"Listen! She's not_ my_ damn princess! So leave me alone!"

King Hyrule shook the bottle, which made me choke on my own dust. That is the ultimate insult to a fairy. I mean, it's just like when a wife is on a diet or something and the husband thinks she looks fine and doesn't support her and buys all of this junk food, knowing that she would attack it like a wild monkey. Anyway, I was insulted.

"Okay, okay! I'll do something!" I said. _Like put her out of her misery._ I thought to myself. "Just stop!" Fat ass did as I said, and I lost all respect for him.

King Hyrule made his way into Zelda's room and there was Link over looking at Zelda, as she was lying there motionless. Link looked like he was ready to cry like a little bitch. I kind of felt sorry for the guy. I mean, he _did_ rescue her like twenty times, he _was_ a hero to her, but most of all, …the bitch is dead! Wait, she's barely breathing. Damn.

I banged on the glass bottle and called his name. He didn't pass a glance at me. His eyes were too fixed upon Zelda's cold, dieing body. I kicked off the cork and flew to Link in hopes that he would take his eyes off of Zelda for once. He didn't.

"Hey! Look at me!" I yelled with all of my strength. Finally, he looked at me with sad eyes.

"Ka'an," he whispered with a crackly voice. "Can you revive her?"

I twitched. "Revive?"

"Yes."

"Like I do to you?"

"Yes."

I whispered. "Nope."

"No?" said Link with shock.

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"No."

"No?"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah to the no, or yeah to the yeah?"

"Yeah, no."

"What?" said King Hyrule, not understanding the way me and Link talk to each other.

"Females can't revive females with out dieing," I informed. "Find a male fairy to do it, but they usually ask for a price."

"Price? I can do price," boasted the king.

"Then are you ready to part from every thing that you own and love? Doubt it. That's why the females purposely get caught."

Some man in a white lab coat, I'm guessing a doctor or some guy from the funeral home, walks in with a folder of some sort. All attention was now set on him. "King Hyrule, I have some great news. Princess Zelda will be fine."

"Great!" said King Hyrule.

"Great!" said the Link.

_Fuck!_ Thought the fairy ripping fur off of the mink.

"All she needs is an Infinity Jewel," continued the doctor. "It's also called the Eternity Jewel."

We looked at the doctor as if he was talking gibberish and somehow a draft of wind blew into the windowless room. "What in the hell are you talking about?" I finally said.

"Once absorbed, or taken in," He said it like we had no idea what _absorbed_ meant, "by the body you can never die and stay youthful, or young, for all eternity, or forever. That's how it got its name, or identity."

"Don't talk to us like were complete idiots," I said bitterly.

The doctor apologized.

"So, where is this Jewel?" asked Link.

"No idea," answered the doctor. "It's a legend."

Link sighed and walked towards the door. "Let's go, Ka'an."

"Let me get this straight," I said, trying to understand. "You'll go on some wild goose chase for this chick?"

Link stopped walking and glanced over his shoulder. "She's not some _chick._ She holds another inside of her."

_It's for Gannondorf. _I thought. _He takes her 'cause he wants to see his baby. I just know it._ "Why else would she get herself kidnapped? Oops."

"Why _would_ she let herself get kidnapped, Ka'an?" asked Link.

I was stuck, like quick sand stuck, and at times like these, I would love tackling something, but nothing around was my tackling size. "Um…" I said, trying to buy myself time. "Um… Can't I just say some thing without being questioned?"

Link sighs. "No, Ka'an. _You_ can't," smirked Link. "Whatever, come on, you. We have to find this Eternity Jewel."

Something inside of me didn't want to go. I was hesitating like hell. _I want this bitch dead, but I want Link to be happy._

"Are you coming?" asked Link.

I nodded which marked the new chapter in saving Princess High-Maintenance Bitch Zelda… again.


	2. Wing 2

The Legend of Zelda: The Legend of the Eternity Jewel

**_The Legend of Zelda: The Legend of the Eternity Jewel's Disclaimer:_** I did NOT make some of the charaters of the Legend of Zelda. I only made 2 and the fairy's name.

**Wing Two.**

"Come on, Linky. Cheer up," I suggested as we walked though the Forbidden Forest. Link has been quiet ever since we started our mission, which was a half hour ago. What can I say? I love to talk.

"Link, listen," I said hoping to get his attention. "If you don't exercise your vocal cords you'll become mute." Link just looked at me giving the signal to shut the fuck up, but I didn't. "You should get paid for rescuing her." I hate saying the name Zelda. It puts a bitter taste in my mouth, and an even worst after taste. It's like I just had lemons, garlic and onions all at the same time. And I hate all of those foods just as much I hate that woman.

All of a sudden, Link stopped and drew his bow and arrow and pointed it at me.

"Hey! I'll shut up!" I yelled. "I'll stay quiet for the remainder for the—"

"Move," he demanded.

I did what he said.

He pulled back the arrow with perfect form. The wind blew hard enough to blow his long, green hat off his head, and let his golden hair flow with its course.

Link finally shot the arrow at a berry bush and a dark figure, a boar on hind legs, I think, runs away. "I missed," Link finally said.

"You missed?!" I shouted. "That's all you're gonna say?! That you missed?! Here I thought _you _were gonna kill me!"

"Sorry," said Link as he put on his hat. "I'll warn you next time."

I let out a sigh. "Where are we going exactly?" I asked as we continued through the forest.

"Forbidden Fortress," answered Link.

"Are you serious?!"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because we need to see Gannondorf."

"Why?"

"Because we might know something."

"Why?"

"Because… he might tell us something."

"Why?"

"Because he knows everything."

"Why?"

"Because he… I don't know. He's nosey?" His voice sounded irritated.

"Why?"

"Because, Ka'an. J-just because!"

"I don't understand why you'll go to your homosexual arch enemy for help. Didn't I mention _homosexual_?"

"He might tell us something, Ka'an."

"You seem tense, Linky."

"That's an understatement," said Link under his breath.

Crackle.

We shifted our heads to the sound. Who in the hell knows what's in the Forbidden Forest anyway. I mean, that's why they call it _forbidden,_ right?

Finally, after much anticipation, a glowing figure tackles me. Triforce knows what it was because it left as soon as it came. This thing didn't even pass a sorry to me, and frankly, it pissed me off. So, I followed it, leaving Link behind. We were to fast for him.

We arrived by a beautiful lake with electric green fireflies flying above it. This glowing thing dived into the lake, and I stopped by the bank. I didn't want to get my wings wet. It's a pain to get back dry. Then, all of a sudden, that glowing thing illuminated the lake, giving it a beautiful bright, orange color. It glowed like the sun and the green fireflies made it more beautiful.

"My name is Tonaltzintli, the sun," said the glowing lake. "I'll give you what you desire." It sounded like a little boy.

_Tontphufffft, Tonathhhhsss? _I thought. "Say that name again."

"Tonaltzintli," repeated the lake.

"A little slower."

"Ton-alt-zint-li. It means the sun."

"Okay, Tonkaltmilli," I said incorrectly. "What do you mean you'll give me what I desire?"

"Just that."

"You make… wishes?"

"Yes."

"Can I wish death on someone?" I said viciously.

"No, I am the sun," it explained. "I give life and future. I cannot give death to someone."

"Lucky her," I said so low that only I could her.

"If you help me find my sister, Meztli, the moon, we'll give you your most secretive wish."

"You know my wish."

"Your deepest."

"Ch'yeah right and I'm the mother of all fairies," I said sarcastically.

"You want to become Elvin," started the lake, "but you still want your wings, am I right?"

I get in to serious shock to how he got it right.

"And to make Link to love you?"

"You're dead right."

"You think Zelda is not to be trust?"

"I _know_."

"I'll give you this at no cost of a wish, only if you reunite me with my sister."

"I promise." I said rising my right hand.

"Very well. Place your hand onto the surface of this lake. Then, all revealed."

I nodded and placed my hands on the lake.

A picture of the Hyrule Castle appeared. It then shifted to Zelda's room. She opened her eyes and said, "Father, is Link gone?"

"Yes, dear," answered the king as he stroked her hair.

Zelda gets out of her gigantic bed and walks to the window. "So, is he looking for the Jewel?"

"Yes," he answered.

A rush of hate went through my veins. _How dare they use Link like this?_ I thought angrily. _I knew something wasn't right. That bitch!_

"As soon as he returns with the Eternity Jewel," he continued, "We'll kill him. Erasing the last of my mistakes."

_Erase last of his mistakes? _I thought. _What does he mean erase? What did Link do?_

"What about the idiot fairy?" asked Zelda.

_Idiot?! I'm smarter than your dumbass._

"We'll kill her also," answer King Hyrule.

"Let me do that, Father," she said while they both shared the same devious laugh. "BAWHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I splashed the water in the sense of getting rid of the picture, but it still played in my head. "Why?" I said with my teeth locked together. "Why would they do this to Link? He's a good person."

The lake lost its glow and a drenching wet boy, about ten years old, with light orange skin walked over to me and gently picked me up. He kind of reminded me of an oompa loompa.

"I'm Tonaltzintli in my Elvin form, he explained. "Is there another with you?"

I nodded as I shook the water off of my face.

"I am sorry if I had upset you in any kind of way," apologized Tonakatli.

"No, I needed to see that," I smiled. "Now, I know the real reason I hate her so much. She a snake and can't be trusted."

Link dived out of the bushes, "Ka'an!" and into the lake.

"Link?" asked Tonblahhhh.

"Yup," I answered. "That's the idiot."

Link walked up to us soaking wet and looked at the boy and then at me. "There you are, Ka'an," he said with relief. "I was worried."

"Ka'an…" Tonawhatever repeated slowly. "Your name is Ka'an?"

"Yeah," I said. "Sorry that I didn't give you an intro."

"Oh, it's fine," he smiled. "I just think it's a pretty name."

The boy was so formal and I had a strong sense that he could be trusted. Along with Link, he was among the many few that I trusted outside of Fairyville.

Link knelt down to Tonayomama. "Now, who are you?

"I am Tonaltzintli, the sun," he said.

"Tonaltzintli?" Link said so easily. "We need to make that shorter, huh, Ton Ton?"

"I like it," said the former Ton-alt-zint-li. There! I got it!

Link was good at making names shorter. I mean, Link's real name is Linkosidahsinety Kinequewnljo Marchlivonity the eighteenth, and he reduced that to four letters.

I explained to Link how we should help Ton Ton find his sister and nothing about the wishes. Either way, he agreed to help.

_**Ton Ton is now added to your party.**_

Finally, we reached the end of the Forbidden Forest. "It's crazy how close Gannondorf's place is so close to Hyrule," I noted.

No one made a comment like I was hoping. Instead, Link had his eyes fixed at the top where the homosexual bastard usually is and Ton Ton shivered like a rat-eared dog.

I sneezed a big sneeze that made the trees blow… literally. I made Link and Ton Ton jump.

"Dammit, Ka'an!" yelled Link. "I was getting in the Zone!"

"Sorry," I said. "I can't control that."

When Link is in "the Zone", you don't really want to deal with him. I don't know if he speaks Elvin anymore. When he's fighting, he sounds off with a "HIP! HA! HODDY YEAH!" and the occasional "HYAAAAAAAA!" and "HAAAAAAAAAT!"

"Ready?" I asked. "I know I am."

"HAAAAT!" sounded off Link, as he lifted his sword.

I looked at Ton Ton. He looked like he was about to piss in his pants. I flew over to his ear. "It'll be fine. Link is here to keep us safe," I said smiling. "and if he fails, I'll protect you with my kicks and sneezes."

He laughed.

"Hey, my kicks are powerful!"

He nodded and took in a deep breath. "I'm ready," he sounded sure of himself.

Link lifted up his sword once more and did one of his battle cries.

"If you learn for him, I wouldn't know what to do with myself," I said to Ton Ton.

He smiled like Chelsea _(Chelsea's Smile)_ and we went onward to the Queer's Fortress.


	3. Wing 3

The Legend of Zelda: The Legend of the Eternity Jewel

**_The Legend of Zelda: The Legend of the Eternity Jewel's Disclaimer:_** I did NOT make some of the charaters of the Legend of Zelda. I only made 2 and the fairy's name.

**Wing Three.**

Finally, we get to the entrance. Link tried to open the double doors with one of his jump spin sword attack.

"HYAA!" yelled Link as he did another of his spin attack.

"Oh my Triforce, that's the tenth time you tried that. Do something else," I suggested. "BAAAAHMBS!" _(Bombs elongated)_

A bomb, a lit bomb, appeared in his right hand. Ton Ton and I hid behind a near by boulder. Link came shortly after.

BOOM!

We peeked out to what damage the bombs had done, which was nothing. So, Link started back to Plan A, spin attacks.

"Dumbass," I said under my breath.

"Have you tried to turn the knob?" suggested Ton Ton.

"That's too easy."

"It's worth a try."

Link turned the knob and the door opened easily.

"What the f—"

"Funny how things turn out."

We continued onward through the fortress. Had a few encounters, here and there. Link blew us up once or twice… okay it was seven times but on major damage. We had to sneak around and such. It was kind of hard though with Link and his battle cries.

Finally, we got to the top, where Gannondorf awaits us. He was perched upon a window seal and facing our direction. I healed Link and Ton Ton just in case we had to fight him.

"Well, well, Link, long time no see," said Gannondorf. "Heard about your loss. Terribly sad."

Link chargeed at Gannondorf with sword in hand.

"You can't beat the answers out of him, Link!" I said sensibly.

"What you look for," started Gannondorf, "is on the outside world. And that boy is part of a three part whole. Find the star and moon to complete the universe and you'll get what you want."

Gannondorf disappeared into the night, and I stood dumbfounded. The queer gave us all the information that we needed, in total detail. He might as well have given us their Social Security Number too.

"No wonder why I couldn't find her," said Ton Ton in a low voice.

Link picked Ton Ton and glares at him. Ton Ton swallowed down the moisture that was building up in his mouth. "What are you?" asked Link. "Where did you come from?"

"Put him down, Link," I ordered. "You're scaring him."

It was safe to talk to him. He was out of "the Zone", but yet he wasn't listening. He was scaring sweet, little Ton Ton and it was wrong.

Link was pushing Ton Ton farther and farther until he cried. I wanted to kill him for doing this to a little boy, but before I could do anything a light shot out of Ton Ton's mouth. I had no idea what the hell it was, but it was cool!

We appeared on the surface of the outside world somehow. I bet it had to do with that light.

I looked over to see what Link was doing. He slowly set Ton Ton down with shock. I put a big grin on my face. I didn't see any of this coming. I mean, the kid can handle himself.

Suddenly, this blue light tackled me. Unlike Ton Ton, this one stayed. I wasn't ready to kick its ass… yet. It seems that I'm attracted by tacklers.

"S-sorry," said a sweet, innocent voice. Honestly now, I wanted to hug it to death. "I'm Meztli, the moon. I can give you what you desire the most."

I wished that she didn't say that because… "Anything?!" Link would hear.

The small blue light changed into a girl with light blue skin and looked just like Ton Ton. She reminded me of that guy off of _Big Fat Liar_. You know, like the time when the kids put blue dye in the guy's pool before he went swimming. Pretty good movie. Anyway, she kind of looked like that, but not as blue.

Link walked to Mezome like a zombie hungry for brain. Luckily, Ton Ton came over to hug his long lost sister. Thank you for the distraction! "Ka'an…" said Link. I swear his voice gives me tingles.

"Y-yeah?" I said hesitantly. "What is it?"

"You know something, don't you?"

"No."

Lying sucks because when I do, I can't fly. So, what had happen was I fell. I fell hard.

"Fuck!" I yelled at the top of my lung. "Why in the hell does this shit happen every time, every damn time that I lie? Lying practically kills me. I hate this shit when it happens! Life is hell!" I think I said all of the bad words, and I don't care. That's how much I didn't want him to know.

Link got closer to me and I felt the ground. It was like he was ready to squash with his with his foot, but instead he was gonna crush me with his body! He tripped. I swear my life flashed before my eyes, but something happened as I closed them. I felt warm. Then, it ended.

Link raised his body from on top of mine.

"Ka'an…" he said again. "What did you eat?"

I opened my eyes and saw how big I've gotten. "Link. I…" My mind was wrapped around the fact the Link was on top of me. "I d-don't know."

Link got from on top of me and dusted himself off. Soon after, I jumped to my feet and tried out my new body. Triforce, I was happy. Maybe Link will begin to like me as much as I do him.

_Okay. _I thought. _Time to test out my new body on Link._ I walked a little bit past Link, close enough that I could hear him breathing. "Link, since we found both of them, and they are with us, now what?" I did one of those come-and-get-me looks as I turned to see his reaction. Which was perfect. I got him. "Link, what about Zelda, huh?"

Link wrapped himself around me and hid his face between my hair and my neck. He nuzzled me and I loved how he felt up against me. "Ka'an." Link used a different tone with me. Like he wanted me.

"Yes," I answered obediently.

"Who do you serve?" questioned Link. "Do you live to serve me?"

I didn't want to answer because of the kids, but they disappeared to Triforce knows where.

"Ka'an…" Link was waiting for an answer. Waiting impatiently that he bit my neck.

"You!" the bite forced it out of me. "You… Link."

He started to explore my new curves. Curves that he could touch with out crushing them.

Dammit! I can't fly. Okay none of this happened, but my body really did change after Link landed on me. His reaction was more like…

"Ka'an! What the hell happened?!"

I scratched my head and smiled. "No idea."

I look at the kids and made a telepathic thank you. They nodded in unison. Then, I looked back a Link. He was checking me out! I didn't let myself get too excited. "Linky." Usually when I said that, I never got a reaction, but the new me did something to him. Score! I saw his apple go up and down. He was so drooling over me. "Link!"

His head snapped up as if it was going to break. "Huh?"

"What are we gonna do?"

Link was still a little speechless. "Um… they are the Eternity Jewel, right?"

"No," said Mezoki. "The sun gives light to the land during the day."

"And gives the moon light to shine on the land at night," added Ton Ton.

"So, what is left, Me Me?" asked Link, giving Meztomi a short name.

"What never shows in the day, but appears at night?" asked Me Me.

"I don't know."

"The sun and moon may come and go," said Ton Ton, "but this stays with us no matter where we go. The very thing that hugs its children dearly and guides us even when the moon is gone."

I poke Ton Ton's forehead. "How old are you?"

"What's your name?" asked Me Me.

"Me?"

She nodded.

"Ka'an. I know it means the stars but…"

"It's you!" exclaimed Me Me.

"I-it can't be."

"All of our names are the main part of the universe, and we have the birth marks to prove it," said Ton Ton. "Mine looks like the sun."

Ton Ton lifts up his shirt, revealing is belly button. A ring of flame circles it. Me Me shows her upper back, which had an overturned crescent moon. "You should have star between your neck and left shoulder," she said.

I put my hand exactly where she said it would be. Link walked up to me and moved my hand. My breaths became shallow as he slowly moved my shirt to see what they were talking about.

"You do have one," pointed out Link. "What does that mean?"

"Ka'an is our mother," said the kids.

"What?!" I shouted. "I've never been touched by any man! How can I have kids?!"

"Never been touched?" whispered Link as he brushed my neck with his fingertips. "Do I count?"

I blushed like crazy and pushed him away. "Anyway," I cleared my throat, "so, what's with this Eternity Jewel?"

"As we told you before, Mother," said Me Me easily. I have to get used to this mother business. "our names mean the universe and the universe is on going. It's how the Jewel got its name. Eternity."

"Infinity," added Ton Ton.

"Forever," I had to use a simpler word. "This sucks."

I looked at Link to see what to see what he was gonna do, something that could give direction. Link opeeds his mouth as if he wanted to say something but changed him mind. Of course, he wouldn't know what to say in this situation.

"If we are this Jewel, how exactly do we make it?" I asked out of curiosity. The kids knew more about me than I did.

"The only way we can make it is," Me Me paused.

"Only if we die," finished Ton Ton.

Shock went through my body. I don't wanna die to let that bitch do what she wanted.

"Let's go back to Hyrule." I couldn't believe what was coming out of his mouth. How could he do this? "We have to tell them that we can't continue this."

Without thinking, I lunged at Link and continuously said thank you.

"I can't let you die for some one that you don't like." He put one arm around me. "I can't do that to you."

Finally, I know what it feels like to be in his arms.

_**Me Me is now in your party. Elvin Ka'an is now in your party.**_


	4. Wing 4

The Legend of Zelda: The Legend of the Eternity Jewel

**_The Legend of Zelda: The Legend of the Eternity Jewel's Disclaimer:_** I did NOT make some of the charaters of the Legend of Zelda. I only made 2 and the fairy's name.

**Wing Four.**

I've got a new body, found out that I have two adorable kids, and the directionless Link. Somehow, we got to this little island with a Ferris wheel, windmill thing. People must be on crack to think of that. Anyway, the kids went directly to that thing and I and Link were sitting on the steps by a photo shop, trying to contemplate a plan to get back to the inner world, but nothing. We got to the outer world by Ton Ton, but how do we get back? By Me Me?

Link had let out a big sigh of frustration. He never really thinks. It's usually me doing the thinking. "You got anything, Ka'an?" asked Link looking for me to give one of my fabulous plans, which I didn't have. "You have to have at least something."

"Sorry," I said, as I made my thumbs circle each other. "Nothing." Link had put his hand behind me to shift his weight to the back of him. When he did that, he brushed my arm, and it was like his heat was entering inside of me. "Link…" I had to tell him about what I saw in the lake.

"Yeah?" his voice was deep, full of question, and sweet all at the same time, and what sealed it was the way that he looked at me. "You want something, Ka'an?"

"Um… yeah," I wasn't sure if he was going to believe me. "In the Forbidden Forest, remember where you saw Ton Ton holding me?"

"Yeah, by that lake."

"Well," I paused. "Before that he told me that he could change me if I help him find his sister. He said that he'd give me my most personal wish." I look at Link and his eyes were fixed on mine. "I wanted to become Elvin but still have my wings."

"So, that's what happened?"

I nodded. "But that's not all, after I said that I'll help him, he showed me something that you should of seen." I took in a deep breath. "Zelda's playing you like a Playstation."

Link's eyebrows got to the center of his forehead. "What do you mean? All I know is Nintendo."

I looked way from him so I couldn't see his confusion and anger. "He made the lake like a little magic mirror and showed me Zelda." I paused for Link to say something, but he didn't. So I continued. "She wants this Eternity Jewel for herself and she wants us dead."

"Why?" asked Link.

"I know that our feelings are mutual of each other, but the king said something about erasing a mistake."

Link began to laugh. "He's a bitter old man."

"This is nothing to laugh about!" I yelled. "Your girlfriend wants you dead! I mean, you rescue her like all the time!"

Link laughed even harder and louder, and honestly, it was pissing me off. I stood up and glared at him. "You're an asshole!" I fired. "I'm trying to warn you and this shit happens."

Link grabbed my wrist and pulled my arm. I landed in his lap. "She's my half sister," whispered Link. "My dad was a peasant and my mom was Queen Hyrule. She cheated on King Hyrule and he killed them both. He tried to kill me, but my father's sister protected me."

"So that high-maintenance bitch isn't your girlfriend?"

Link shook his head. "And the only reason I always save her is that I was patching up a hole of my father and our mother, but the old man holds grudges."

"So you're the mistake."

"Yup."

We sat there silent for a while, and I realized that I was sitting on his lap. I tried to get up but he sat me back down. We gazed into each other's eyes. And the question popped out my mouth. "Why did you keep me?"

His answer. "I wanted to be your boyfriend."

What he said made me happy and excited, but also overly confused and seriously depressed. "What?"

"You don't want me to be?"

I had no idea what to say, but when I opened my mouth to say something, he interrupted me with a kiss. So gentle and sweet. My first.

He parted from me and my eyes were practically popping out my head. "I love you, Ka'an." He whispered as he hugged me. "Be mine."

My heart raced faster and faster. This didn't feel right. I wanted Link to like me because he wants to. I got up and fixed my mini skirt. I tried to walk away but he grabs my wrist once again and was standing.

"Why are you running from me?" Link sounded like he was hurt. I look back at him and gave him one of my Get-The-Hell-Off-Me-I-Don't-Wanna-Talk-To-You-So-Get-The-Fuck roundhouse kick. I sent him flying into the window of the photo shop, giving myself to runaway. I had to talk to the kids.

Nighttime fell, I'm tired, I couldn't find the kids, we were lost, I avoided Link like hell, I thought I saw a boy that looked just like him, I sprang my ankle, evil pigs chased me, I lost eighty-thousand rupees in an auction, and I saved a lot of money by switching to Gieko. I went on their on-line quotes. I swear it's so easy that a caveman could do it, but the problem is that I don't own a car.

Anyway, I walked into a bar that was above some flea market that belonged to some Eskimo and that's where I saw sailors and some sissy man that screamed when I came in. Since I have a bigger body, the male sailors looked at me like I was delicious eye candy. I didn't return their looks. They might think I want them or something.

Anyway, I skimmed the room and to my surprise the kids were in here. "Ton Ton, Me Me." The kids looked directly at me. Why were they in there anyway?

We walked outside and I was silent. The kids were talking about how much fun they had screwing with the sissy man. I didn't really pay attention. I was too busy thinking about Link. I was confused. I was stopped by the hugs from Ton Ton and Me Me. The way they hugged me was like I _was _their mother. It was like they felt my pain. Because of that, I knelt down and hugged them back. Although I just met these two, I felt like I known them for the longest time.

Tears escaped my eyes and left a salty trail of water, leading to my chin. I tried so hard to hold them back but they kept on coming.

"Ka'an," I looked at Me Me with my red teary eyes. "When you changed, we did nothing to Link."

"What?"

"We didn't change you. You did it yourself."

""We tricked you in a way, Ka'an," added Ton Ton. "He kept you because he waited for you to change."

"And we were selfish to make you bring us back together," confessed Me Me.

"So, all of those times he went to rescue Zelda…" I began slowly.

"He should tell. You not us."

She was right. He should tell me these things. "Thank you," I was so happy that they told me that.

I arrived on a cliff where a tombstone over looked the sea. It had white flowers that grew before it and the moon was full and positioned behind it. I walked closer to the grave to read the cravings, but I saw a man with golden hair that glowed in the moonlight and a green outfit that I would notice anywhere. "Linky?"

He turned his head and looked at me with his blue eyes. "Ka'an…"

Even then I couldn't look at him. I mean, I could have disarrange his face or something with that kick. He lifted my chin and his face was perfectly fine. He also just looked at me, not saying one word. He didn't have to. His eyes were talking and it pissed me off.

"Dammit, Link! Say something!"

My commit made him do a sight chuckle. "You so cute when you're mad."

I blushed. "Masochist."

"Yup."

A gust of ocean mist blew over us. It made me cold, and my body acted on its own. It looked to Link for warmth and as he to me.

"Link," I said to him as I felt his heart beat.

"Hmmm?" his voice vibrated in my ear.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Ka'an."

He looked into my honey brown eyes and I looked into his sea blue ones. He leaned over and kissed me. His tongue searched around mine so gently and smooth. He pulled me closer to him by my hips, touching the bare skin on my waist with his cold hands put a chill down my spine. He moved his head down to my neck and I had put my head back, letting let out an unexpected moan escaped my throat as Link nibbled on my neck. It seemed like he liked that and I was surprised that I liked that he liked that.

It was the most perfect moment in my life. Well, until a dragon swooped down and took me away from Link. He called my name and I called his as it flew away from with me in its claws. That's all he could do. The dragon had mad a surprise attack.

"Ka'an!"

"Help me, Link!"


	5. Wing 5

The Legend of Zelda: The Legend of the Eternity Jewel

**_The Legend of Zelda: The Legend of the Eternity Jewel's Disclaimer:_** I did NOT make some of the charaters of the Legend of Zelda. I only made 2 and the fairy's name.

**Wing Five.**

I swear it's been days since I've been taken away. I was starting to turn senile. "Hey, you son of a bitch, let me down! I'm fuckin' bleeding from your damn claws. It hurts!"

"Close your trap," ordered the red dragon. "You've been yammering since last night. The second that I took yans."

He was speaking in an ancient tongue, but I understood him. I mean who uses yammer any more? It's so old.

"Say, where are we going?"

"None of your business."

I twitch. "What do you mean it's none of my business?! I'm the one that's getting kidnapped, dumbass!"

I tried to get free from the clutches of the dragon, but his claws were so deep in my shoulder that I started to bleed. Like a sensible person, I stopped.

"Link! I'm gonna kick your ass if you don't come."

We arrived at this island with a cloud of smoke circling the mouth of its volcano, I just guessing it's active, like the ones that me and Link go in. Anyway, we went in, the dragon and me, no Link. This one was hot and the smell of brimstone clogged my lungs. It reminded me of the time that I was gagging on my own dust. _**(READ WING ONE IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT)**_ At any rate, as we went down a hot piece of the volcanic walls hit me, causing me to go unconscious.

Finally, I woke up. I woke up in a damn cage! And you should know me by know. I tried to bend the bars, which didn't work. So, I rested for a while and tried again.

"Stop trying to get out, dumbass," said a familiar voice.

I turned around to the direction that it came and there it was… ZELDA!

"You've grow, Ka'an."

"Don't let my name roll off your tongue so easily," I snapped. "If it rolls out to far, I might have to cut it off, Princess."

"Is that so?" Zelda said slowly as she walked towards me.

"Get me out now!"

"You're in no position to yell, KA'AN!"

The bitch was right. I was hovering over hot molten steaming magma. She could kill me. I looked around to see if Link would just so happen to appear with the slashing of the sword and whatnot, but the ass didn't come. No exciting entrance. No slashing of the sword.

"Ha… ha! Looking for someone?" The tone of her voice made me want to kill her even more. "Too bad. It will take me a while–"

Out of nowhere, a boomerang came. I think it was for Link. Anyway, it knocked Zelda down and I couldn't help but laugh. The boomerang returned to its owner and to my surprise it wasn't Link. It was the kids.

"What the bitch! What are you doing here?! Where's Link!"

"Linky fell down the hole," said Ton Ton.

"So we came to rescue you," said Me Me.

Honestly, I don't know how it happened but somehow the kids were in the cage when I blinked. _Damn kids._

"Sorry, Ka'an," apologized Ton Ton. "We tried our best."

"It's cool."

It's cool my ass! It's freakin' hot! I think I lost ten pounds!

Zelda got up. "Hn. The star, Ka'an. The moon, Meztli. The sun, Tonaltzintli. Good."

"You knew all this you fucker! How dare you use Link! You don't know how happy I was when we dot the news that you were dieing. I was actually dancing."

"What?!"

"Sorry chick, but I hate your damn guts. I've never trusted you and what I seen you do was the lowest," I wanted to squeeze my body through the little spaces between the bars. "You make him go on some wild goose chase and…" I was so mad that tears streamed down my cheeks. "How dare you put my kids through this?! You're sick! Get us out of here now and stop being a coward dammit!"

Zelda had put her hands on her face as if she was crying but instead, she was laughing. "My fool of a father married a street tramp and shamed the Hyrule name. So, I killed him this morning. You see. The smell of blood made me a little too happy and I accidentally stabbed him thirteen times." Her eyes _had_ changed. They were sharp and dark. They were eyes of a murderer.

"You're fuckin' crazy. You can't accidentally stab him thirteen times."

Zelda had burst into laughter. "I know," Zelda walked to the cage. "Now listen, you Jewel. You have a birthmark shaped like a star on your neck, the girl has a crescent moon, and the boy has a sun. Once you all die, you'll—"

"You're pissing me off. Shut the hell up."

"It your destiny to die!"

"Fuck destiny! I don't care what happens to me! Just let the kids out."

"No can do. You all have to die on the same second to make the jewel. So die."

The cage lowered slowly down to the magma filled cavern. I tried to kick open the top but it wouldn't budge.

"Are we going to die?" asked Ton Ton with concern.

"Is Link gonna come soon?" added Me Me.

"I'm not planning on dieing any time soon!" I yelled as my wings flapped. "We're getting out of here. Hold on to the bars."

They did as I said and I swayed the cage back and forth. This was progress. Finally, we had hit the volcanic wall and the bottom of the cage fell off. It picked up the kids and flew to the ledge that Zelda was on.

"Not bad," she said with lazy eyes. "So, you _are _the brains."

I send her a flaming glare.

"You're hard to kill. LINK!!"

_What Link was here all this time?!_ When he came out he was wearing read and had brown hair.

"You like the new Link? I made him."

"What?"

"The original doesn't like me like he does."

"Well, there is the case that… HE'S YOUR BROTHER!!"

"Ka'an!" Everyone shifted their heads to the voice of Link, the green one. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, besides the fact that we almost died!"

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas! Ha ha! Zelda sang while she danced to the duplicate Link. "Hi Link number one, meet Link number two. Link number two meet Link number one. Link number one shall die by Link number two. Link number two have fun with Link number one."

"With pleasure."

Anticipation started to build as the battle of the Links drew closer.


	6. Wing 6

The Legend of Zelda: The Legend of the Eternity Jewel

**_The Legend of Zelda: The Legend of the Eternity Jewel's Disclaimer:_** I did NOT make some of the charaters of the Legend of Zelda. I only made 2 and the fairy's name.

**Wing Six.**  
Just a little recap. Me and Link started a new journey Saving high-Maintenance Bitch, Zelda. Hoping to find out what and where the Eternity Jewel is. So, we went to go see the queer, Gannondorf, but before we reached his castle a shy, adorable, sissy, oompa loompa looking called Tonaltzintli, or Ton Ton, joined us, and promised me that he would make my secretive wish come true if I helped him find his sister.

Then, after we got the information from the queer, Link made Ton Ton cry, which made us appear in the outer world. Soon after we found… well, I got tackled by Meztli, or Me Me, Ton Ton long lost sister.

Then, Link drooled over my new body, but what things bad was that I was a part of this Jewel and me and the kids would have to die to be come it and I became a mother. Damn…Anyway, after they explained who I was, Link didn't want to continue on with the search, but in the process, he made us get lost on this retarded island and tries to… un… _(Blush, blush)_ Never mind.

While we were alone, some red dragon kidnapped me and took me to some island with a volcano. We went in and I was put in a cage. As I was trying to get out, Zelda and I had a heart to heart in a hate filled way. Then afterwards, the kids came to the rescue and failed. Now Link is here, two of them, and is ready to fight himself and that's were we ended. Oh, and if you want a better recap, read the first five wings, dumbass!

Phew! Anyway, it was the battle of the Links and we wanted to win. "Go Link! Kick his ass!" I cheered without thinking.

Both of their names were Link. So they both smiled at me. Double Link meant a serious blush. They looked at each other.

"Don't look at her!" they both said in unison. "She was talking to me!"

"You're fighting of me!" shrieked Zelda. "So stop it!"

I could tell she was totally jealous because she tackled me. I swear people need to play American football or rugby or something. Anyway, when she tackled me, I got some of the wind knocked out of me and we were rolling towards the molten rocks. The kids tried to come to my rescue but I told them to leave and go somewhere safe.They did as they were told and now I can concentrate on killing Zelda before she kills me.

"DIE! DIE! DIE!"

"Get the hell off of me, you lunatic!"

We almost rolled off the ledge and my shoulder was burning from the heat that radiated from a rocket of magma that shot up. I held Zelda above me as it fell above us. She tried to get free but I kept her in place.

"Let me go!" she demanded with her tears falling on my face and rolling down my cheeks.

"If you're willing to kill someone, then you'll have to have no fear of dieing like me, Princess Zelda."

The magma reached its perfect destination called Zelda. I had to push her off the edge to end her slow death. I heard her scream all the way down and hit the lava. Then some wrinkly hairless guy jumped after this golden ring that was tossed by some guys with hairy feet.

He had hit the river of magma and a sigh of relief filled my chest, but soon after I found myself falling to the magma. I turned my head and saw the duplicate Link clinging onto me. Good thing I had wings. I fluttered then but he was too heavy. I couldn't get on the ledge but I got my hands on it. I tired to kick him off but he kept on crawling on me. I felt my hands slowly slipping. Where was the real Link?

As my last finger was off the ledge, I saw Link come a second to late. He couldn't save me in time. Then, I realized something. Forget him. I had to change back into a fairy. My body glowed a bright silver and I was back a fairy. The duplicate Link joined his crazed creator.

"You're the weakest Link. Good bye!" I said with a salute.

I flew up to Link and saw a disappointed look on his face. He was disappointed that I changed back.

"I had to," I said in a low voice.

BANG!!

Rocks started to fall and the magma rose. The volcano was going to erupt.

"Get on!" said a voice. Me and Link turned to the direction the voice came from. It was the red dragon. As it swooped down, we jumped on and saw the kids on its back.

"Ka'an!" they yelled together.

"What happened?" Ton Ton asked.

"I just needed to be the old me."

"Where do you want to go, youngsters?" asked the dragon as if he was a cab driver.

"Hyrule!" we all said.

We escaped from the mouth of the volcano, nearly caught by the lava. The red dragon dived into the water and then moments later, we arrive in Hyrule. I don't know how but we got there.

"Hey," Link said as we got off the dragon.

"Yeah," I answered.

He paused. "Nothing."

I knew he was lying. I grabbed the root of my wings and ripped them out. It hurt like mother fucker. But it was the only way I could get big again.

His face lighted up like Christmas lights.

"You take care of yourselves," the dragon said as if he was leaving.

"Hey, why don't you stay here?" I asked.

"I don't belong here, nor this world. I have to pass on but I never had to pass on but I never had a chance to. Link, since you have Hyrule in your blood and Zelda is dead, you now are its ruler." The dragon took the form of an elf and he looked almost like Link but with black hair. "Take care." He smiled and disappeared.

I looked at Link. "Who was that?"

"My father," he answered with a smile.

"Oh, he seems like a good person."

"He was a dragon!" Ton Ton pointed out.

"Link," Me Me softly said. "What are going to do now?"

Link looked up at the sky. "Well," he began, "I have no one else protect anymore."

I felt rejected, which made me walk away, but Link grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him.

"Except for the kids and their mother."

I smiled and he gave me a long kiss to show how much he cared about me. He loved me.

After that day, everything was great. The kids actually are kids, and they stay with us in the Hyrule Castle. Hyrule seems more peaceful and green. Most of all, me and Link got married and we never been happier. Plus, Gannondorf is now our pet!

_**Moral of the story:**__**Kill the bitch you hate and take what she owns. Halla!!**_

THEEND!


End file.
